Oh!!! not again

As I have mentioned it before in my previous posts. I hate talking about this now and again as if I want people to feel pity for me, please that is not the case but it shows how serious it affects me me this disease.

Today at 10.00 got a call from Dad in the Eastern Cape telling me that my Aunt has passed away. Ok maybe you might say I knew that she was ill and very ill to be specific when I left her she was already in the last stages but couldn't stay to look after her, Yes I knew and indeed I was expecting this might happen anytime as I saw the situation when I left EC but hey not so soon. To me it all happened so soon I was hoping atleast after taking the treatment she will be better or the worst that she could live until December.

I am saying I knew and I was expecting this because that is what I wanted to believe but unfortunately when it finally happened I realised I was not yet ready for it, its just what I was telling myself with the hope to believe it.

Can you imagine the pain of a parent having to nurse or to take care of her sick daughters in their last days, watch sickness taking them away from her day by day, hear them crying because of a pain they are feeling while you can't help them. Imagine parent burying her daughters instead of them burrying her. Why does it have to be her? why both of them? why the same cause of death? why within such a short space of time - one last year March now this Aunt this year, Why?

I was not very close to my Aunt that passed away because she was a bit older than me, I was close because we use to live in the same house but she was an adult and I was a child unlike my Aunt that passed away last year that was like my sister. Nonetheless we lived in the same house saw everyday that makes her close enough to me that is why when she passed away it felt like a part of me was taken away.

This Aunt or my Aunt was the last one still alive (36yrs), she is leaving a child 6 months old and other 2 older sons now my grandmother will need to be a mother to these children. How long will she be alive herself because she is an old woman in her early 80's to take care of these kids. Will she be able to take care of these kids because she is very old. Sooner or later they will be orphans form part of the SA Stastistics of children left by parents at a young age because of age.

Anyway we all going to die one day that I know and they were also going to die even if it was not HIV related, but still the thought of of them being killed by HIV related deseases makes me more scared and helpless.

I know this is not just my story, its a story of hundred of other South Africans out there.

Brothers and sisters we are together in this struggle...